Splendiferous

O man. I don’t think I’m doing too ‘well’. My world is spinning. My innerds are churning with great gulps of eternity bubbling in me, causing me great bouts of cosmic indigestion. I have fireworks exploding all around: flashes of grace, illuminating my inner world like great flares burning in the mist. O the wonder and the mystery that we have been invited into! O the magnitude of the drama that we are a part of! O the delicate strength that girds the entire universe yet crumbles in our frail imagination like spider webs in the breeze!

I want to stay in Him. I want to stay present to Him. I want to be in His word, in His Spirit, bathed in his blood. And yet, what am I to do with myself? I itch. I scratch. I tire. I distract. And I feel as though every single second I spend distracted is a moment where I have missed the magical touch of His presence – and then He is gone. And all that is left is the hope that maybe I can tell stories about what I once experienced, but what does that matter? The moment is over.

O great wondrous sweet grace!
What moralistic motivations have I let drive me apart from this spirit? How could I ever let myself just maintain the facades while I have been hungering for Him, and Him and only Him and more of Him… And to spend so much life, baby sitting my personality, playing games with my ego and my emotions when instead, I could, personally be drinking in the great draughts of sweetest nectar in the presence of the Almighty…